Exclusive: Thomas* calls it his "atomic bomb" moment, the day his mother discovered the scale of his gambling addiction and his house of cards existence caved in.
The revelation that Thomas was buckling under a mountain of debt, had been lying to friends and family for years and even stole from his grandfather, was devastating.
But, with his secret out, there was also relief.
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"It was tough," Thomas recalled of that February day, when the then 28-year-old from Sydney finally confessed everything to his mother.
She listened as Thomas explained how his life had slowly spiralled out of control since he had first played the pokies inside his local RSL just after he'd turned 18.
That frank conversation also prompted Thomas to tell his boss at the financial institution he worked what had been happening to his life.
In a matter of days, he'd checked into rehab, in an attempt to find a way out of the black hole that had consumed him.
"I felt like a zombie," Thomas, who wished to remain anonymous, told 9news.com.au.
"I was so emotionally drained."
Thomas recounted to 9news.com.au a revolving cycle of debt and lies. Bridges were burned. Pressure mounted.
"It was mentally and financially ruining me," he said.
Thomas didn't want to, but as the losses mounted he began to approach friends with hard luck stories of needing extra money to pay for an unexpected car expense, or to help top up a shortfall on rent this month.
Any money he rustled up went straight into the pokies, and with 86,000 pokie machines in the state, temptation was all around him.
Although Australia has less than half-a-per cent of the world's population it has 20 per cent of its pokies, and 80 per cent of those located outside casinos.
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'They made it easy'
"I needed to play," he said.
"I'd borrow $200 and say it was for my rent. It was terrible."
He was also juggling loans issued by quick loan businesses.
After filling out "pretty straightforward" online applications, he said new loans were often approved and funds deposited into his account in a matter of hours.
"I don't know if they look at your statements or anything like that, but you could tell from my statements that I'd be withdrawing money for pokies all the time.
"They made it easy. They made it really easy."
Then, he said, the companies would start to pepper his phone with text messages, offering him new loan deals and more money.
Thomas hesitates when asked to estimate how much cash he's lost over the years.
"I don't know, in all honesty, it's a lot of money."
Pausing, he does more mathematics in his head.
"I just wouldn't even know that figure."
Recent data from Liquor and Gaming NSW help shed some light on the unknown, revealing that gamblers in NSW are losing around $23 million every day.
Pokie machines in NSW pubs and clubs turned over $95 billion in 2020-21.
"There's pokies everywhere," Thomas said.
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'Not how it used to be'
Thomas is unsure how much the cashless gaming card would have helped him.
"I know it'll be good for the money laundering (but) gamblers are still going to find a way to have a gamble," he said.
"What needs to happen is to reduce the number of pokies in pubs and clubs."
His local RSL, where he played the machines that very first time, had changed over the last 10 years, he said, and illustrated the challenge reform advocates face.
"When I was 18, it didn't have as many pokies," he said.
"Now half the whole RSL is pokies.
"It's not how it used to be."
Thomas, who is in early recovery, said he hoped his story could help others.
"It is an addiction (but) there is help out there," he said.
He urged anyone struggling to "talk to people" and get the issue out in the open.
* Thomas' name has been changed to protect his identity.
If you have a problem with gambling there is help available. Contact Lifeline – 13 11 14 or Gamblers Anonymous – www.gaaustralia.org.au or Gambleaware – 1800 858 858
