NSW Northern Rivers local Kathryn McIntyre has a special pair of shoes.
They might not look like much, just an old pair of sheepskin boots, but their significance can be explained with just two letters – "BF".
It's a shorthand reference everyone in the region immediately understands.
The boots are "before flood", saved by accident in the footwell of McIntyre's car as she frantically threw in blankets, pillows, electronics and passports belonging to her family of five.
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As the floodwaters rose to the eaves on their rented home in Woodburn, south of Lismore, on February 28 last year, her humble shoes were unexpectedly vaulted into the hallowed ranks of her few remaining possessions.
"They're my BF shoes, so they're really special to me – I'm looking after them," McIntyre said with a laugh.
Next week, the region will mark a year since the floodwaters rose to an unprecedented 14.4 metres, taking multiple lives, destroying roughly 5000 homes and causing billions of dollars worth of damage.
For those still living in the Northern Rivers and grappling with post-flood trauma, as well as the stress and heartache of trying to slowly rebuild their lives, everything is delineated by those two terms – BF and AF.
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"I used to love floods," McIntyre said.
"I went to Richmond River High School. So, whenever we had a flood it just meant I didn't have to go to school."
Now the sound of rain falling on the roof is all it takes to ratchet up the anxiety levels.
Echoes of trauma
It's a familiar feeling of dread that many can attest to, including Lismore musician Jenna Breeze, whose home in the town's south was also destroyed in the floods.
"I think so many people have PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). Just hearing the rain on the roof is incredibly triggering," she said.
"If it starts to torrential rain for more than an hour I get … almost like a panic attack. My anxiety goes through the roof."
While Breeze and her daughter, now aged 6, managed to escape their home before the floodwaters started rising at a pace no-one – including the Bureau of Meteorology – foresaw, her husband had to be rescued in a tinny from the roof of their property.
"He stood for hours in the rain waiting to be rescued, he could feel the whole house swaying under his feet," Breeze said.
After the floodwaters receded, it felt and looked "like a warzone" in Lismore, Breeze says, and in a way it was, with army officers having to escort the family back to their home to see what little they could salvage.
Twelve months on from the floods, Breeze and her family are living in a caravan in their backyard.
Life in limbo
Immediately after the floods, the family moved to emergency accommodation in Casino, a half-hour drive from Lismore.
In September, they jumped at the chance to move back to Lismore – where Breeze's daughter was attending school – with the NSW government's emergency At-Home Caravan Program.
The six-metre long caravan Breeze and her family have been living in for the past five months has a kitchen, toilet and shower. There is a double bed for Breeze and her husband, and a bunk bed for their daughter.
"I'm grateful for the van, obviously. There's still other people who are living in sheds. I know of a family that's living in a garage, and they've got a six-month-old baby," Breeze said.
However, living in limbo in a tiny space was taking its toll, she said.
Like so many in the area, Breeze's home was not insured for flood, as they could not afford the exorbitant premiums.
Breeze's family is one of more than 6000 households waiting to see what the government will offer them under a massive Resilient Homes Program to buy back houses and land or retrofit, repair and raise existing properties in flood-prone areas.
In the meantime, Breeze's gutted home sits empty.
"We have done nothing to our house other than strip it out," she said.
"There's no walls, we've put some cardboard up on one wall because there were pigeons that came in, but that's it – there's no bathroom or kitchen.
"We have heard nothing from the government," she said.
"I'm struggling. I don't know how much longer we can keep holding out – living in a van and having to face this every day – it's the not knowing that's the worst part."
About $800 million in federal and state government funds have been committed to the first stage of the $1.5 billion Resilient Homes Fund.
A spokesperson for the Northern Rivers Reconstruction Corporation said homes in the highest flood risk areas were being prioritised.
"This early phase involves more than 130 homeowners with the program to ramp up across the region this month," a spokesperson for the corporation said in a statement.
Breeze said she understood the process was a slow one, but her family and others needed answers so they could plan their future.
"A year has passed and we have hardly moved an inch," she said.
"I just feel like shouting from the rooftops, 'We're here and and we're far from okay, even a year on'."
Mayor 'preaches patience'
Lismore Mayor Steve Krieg said he understood the frustration over the time it was taking to offer packages under the scheme.
"There's no question that housing is our biggest challenge, it has been post-disaster and still will be for many years to come," he said.
"It's frustrating and it's developing a bit of anger in the community.
"I agree it is taking a long time but we are literally writing a lot of these policies on the go. Queensland had a system in place because of their experience through the floods in Grantham in 2011.
"This is the first time that New South Wales has tackled an issue like this and this is the first time in the country that we're looking at such a big relocation of a population.
"We're coming up to 12 months post flood, and I guess I'm preaching patience at the moment."
Krieg said he understood about 1200-1500 houses in the municipality had been earmarked for relocation or buyback.
"They're really big numbers and they have to get it right to make sure the taxpayers' money's going where it needs to go," he said.
Despite being born and raised in Lismore, Breeze said she and her family will not hesitate to take the buyback if it's offered.
"It feels like there's just a big stain on the town now – of trauma," she said.
"It's so fresh in our memories – we remember that day. Living here is not the same as it used to be and I'd be happy to move away, out of this town, to be honest – and onto higher ground."
Looking at Lismore's long-term future, Krieg said the only feasible solution was to move residents living on the floodplains away from their homes.
"It's not a sustainable proposition to keep residents on the floodplains," he said.
"It's a basic human right in a first-world country like Australia that you should feel safe in your home, and I think that I can speak for the majority of people that live down in South and North Lismore and other parts that got so badly damaged – like in the outlying villages of Coraki and Woodburn – that they don't feel safe in their homes.
"I think we owe it to our residents to do everything that we can to get them off the floodplain."
The challenge would be finding land or homes for residents taking up the buyback packages to relocate to, he said.
"The reason people buy on the floodplain is the affordability factor, so finding a new home if people do accept a buy back will be hard for some."
Recovery still years away
Looking ahead, Lismore Council is still facing the gargantuan task of rebuilding $100 million worth of local infrastructure destroyed in the floods, a project which Krieg estimates could take more than five years.
"We've got 900 kilometres of damaged road network in our Lismore Shire alone," he said.
"We don't have a city hall, we don't have our library; all of these things that you just take for granted, we're still working out how and when we're going to rebuild those assets.
"We have just lived through a hot, dry summer with no town pool."
A recent council survey found 60 per cent of local businesses in operation before the floods are now back up and running.
But with no cinema, bowling alley or skate park, it's the lack of infrastructure for teenagers and young people in Lismore that has parents worried.
"I look at my little girl and she's just turned nine. There's nothing in town for children," Lismore local and social advocate Ella Buckland, who is a campaign manager for Australian Parents for Climate Action, said.
"What can I do with her? And when she's a teenager, what's she going to do?
"Go into the abandoned, flood-ravaged old school that's never going to be repaired and smoke a bong? That's what I worry about. I don't want her growing up here now."
'The kids are struggling'
Buckland said the full impact of the floods on the children who lost their homes and saw their schools washed away was yet to be known.
"What I am hearing as someone who works in that industry, and then someone who lives in this town, is that the kids are really struggling, even 12 months on," Buckland said.
"Of the 25 kids at my daughter's school who lost their homes, 24 were rescued off roofs.
"It's been really hard for the children who have not had anywhere stable to live – you go from a tent to a caravan to a house with no walls."
While Buckland's home was badly damaged in the floods, she was insured and received a payout.
"We were lucky, but my neighbours on either side are struggling," she said.
"The ones on the left are in a caravan in the driveway. The ones on the right are in the house with four kids, plus the parents – but they don't have any walls."
Buckland's 81-year-old mother has Parkinson's. The roof of her home and its stumps were damaged in the flood and she is still waiting for her insurance claim to be sorted.
Even families such as her own, who were fortunate enough to be insured and have their claim accepted, soon found out there was no-one available to do the work, Buckland said.
"You can't get anyone to come and do anything on your house, we did it almost all ourselves," Buckland said.
"We put in the bathroom floor that washed away. We had to figure out what material to get, how to cut it, lay it, join it and waterproof it.
"It's been exhausting."
Buckland said many in the community were now feeling worn out after going through "a whole range of emotions" in the last 12 months.
"What I'm seeing now is that people have reached this level of clarity where they can see what's happened.
"They've gone through the worst of the initial trauma.
"They've gone through the first stage … where there was adrenaline and moments of joy and hope with communities pulling together.
"Now, everyone is just exhausted and so over it and kind of thinking – is it ever going be the same again?"
Contact reporter Emily McPherson at em********@******om.au.
