The founder of the exclusive Lune chain of bakeries has emotionally described her battle with anorexia, how it tore through her "like a bushfire" and will stay with her for life.
WARNING: This article discusses sensitive topics about anorexia and mental health.
Kate Reid also explained how paradoxically her illness drove her to work in the food industry and has urged greater understanding for people suffering an eating disorder.
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https://omny.fm/shows/neil-mitchell-asks-why/kate-reid/embed?style=cover
In an interview in the podcast Neil Mitchell Asks Why? and in a heartfelt epilogue in her just-released memoir Destination Moon, Reid says she at times had suicidal thoughts and went through life like "a space cadet".
At one stage, her weight dropped to 40 kilograms, and although far healthier now, she is still obsessively conscious of her food and exercise.
"Anorexia tore through me like a bushfire," she writes.
"Indiscriminately taking with it everything in me that represented health, happiness and vitality, rendering my life an apparent wasteland.
"But fires don't actually destroy bushland. They promote life."
But although comparatively healthy, the battle continues.
"Even to this day, most things I eat I have subconsciously given myself prior 'permission' for.
"On the occasion I eat thoughtlessly, in a moment of greed or distraction, which is rare, I go into a spiral of guilt and self-loathing which can only be rectified by modifying my intake the following day.
"I will live with it for the rest of my life."
Reid is a self-taught baker, specialising in croissants.
Her product was once declared the "world's best croissant" by the New York Times.
She started Lune in a small shop in Elwood in Melbourne in 2012 and soon people were queuing from 3am to buy her product.
She now has three outlets in Melbourne, two in Sydney and two in Brisbane.
She also holds a degree in aerospace engineering and worked for some years as a designer with the Williams Formula 1 team.
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As she battled with anorexia, she worked in Melbourne cafes and had brief work experience in Paris.
But she was never formally trained.
She says many anorexics want to work around food.
"If I got through a full day shift and resisted eating anything, I felt so successful and self- righteous, like I'd won," she told the podcast.
"I put myself in that job because I wanted to be around food all the time because I was hungry, but I was not letting myself eat it."
"I've received countless messages from parents saying, 'My daughter,' nine times out of ten, it's, 'My daughter, my daughter is suffering from anorexia. And she's obsessed with cooking. She's obsessed with baking. She's obsessed with going to cafes.'
"It is so common."
Reid was working in the UK when anorexia developed, and says when her parents brought her back to Australia, doctors said she had six weeks to live without treatment.
She also says she had suicidal thoughts.
"It's very little known that anorexia has the highest mortality rate of any mental illness.
"You starve your body for long enough and your organs just start to shut down.
"So that's one way. The other is suicide.
"When I was incredibly ill, and especially when it was going untreated, the intrusive thoughts were quite severe.
"Driving down the motorway in the UK with my boyfriend, and I was driving and I just had a moment where I imagined that if I flicked the wheel into the concrete barrier in the centre, I could just end it all.
"But having that thought terrified me. So I think a true, like a true suicidal thought, is probably someone playing out that and maybe not being terrified by it.
"It's not a healthy thought regardless."
Reid, who says she still suffers debilitating panic attacks, says she has been brutally honest in the book to create a better understanding of anorexia.
"The best thing a family can do is just be there for them, go to the appointments.
"Support them.
"A parent who is actively arguing and fighting with someone is not providing that safe environment.
"I think my mum said it beautifully. She said, 'The eating isn't the problem, the eating is just a symptom of the bigger problem.'
"And it's really about finding what that problem is and then and then providing the treatment for that.
"Mum and dad weren't putting me in a position where we were fighting each other.
"They actively just nurtured.
"They provided me with a beautiful environment with which I could then reach out to the professionals who did the hard work.
"Mum and dad were the good guys and the doctors were the bad guys."
About one million Australians have some form of eating disorder, including anorexia, and despite increased attention, latest reports say the figures are increasing rapidly.
Reid describes frustrating experiences with doctors, and urges deeper understanding.
Although more than 50 per cent of anorexics make some manner of recovery, she says it has the highest mortality rate of any mental illness.
"A lot of people think that anorexia comes from negative body image, but one of the main drivers for it is control.
"And when someone feels like so many of their elements of their life are out of control, it's very easy to control what you put in your mouth and how much exercise you do. And both of those things have very linear results attached to them.
"So you finally feel like you're in control of something that's very visceral and obvious."
Neil Mitchell Asks Why is posted every Tuesday at 6am.
Kate Reid's book Destination Moon is available now.
Readers seeking support can contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or beyond blue on 1300 22 4636.
